Why the Church is Losing its Young People

By Christy Chia
2024.6.15.

Now that my title has gotten you here, let me start by saying that I have no comprehensive list or one-size-fits-all solution to why young people are leaving the Church. If that is what you’re interested in, there are many resources and researchers who have diligently investigated this, like the Fuller Youth Institute. My goal for this article is to share my own experience as a pastor’s kid who left the church but who has returned, now as a pastor.

To be honest, I have a complicated relationship with church. On any given Sunday I’d be happy to take a break from church. I’ve experienced so much hurt caused by the Church and some Christians. To me, church was typically not a safe place. Sometimes it’s where I feel God the least. Still, I love God and I’ve dedicated my life to following God’s calling (whether inside or outside of church).

Let’s rewind a little. I am a 5th generation pastor. When I was young, I loved the church my mom pastored and my family served in. From an early age, I told myself “I will never be a pastor” not because I hated church or my faith, but because I was scared of public speaking. Throughout my youth and college years, I served in various ministries within my churches, but I still didn’t want to be a pastor, especially a children’s or youth pastor. In my junior year of college, I decided to dedicate my career to God’s choosing. Ironically, now I’m a youth pastor.

But the truth is, I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t left the Church.

After college, I went through a season of church trauma. Eventually, I felt I had no choice but to leave church. I was churchless for the following 3 years. In the beginning, I tried my best to find a new church. I visited over ten churches – sometimes two in one day. Over and over again, I felt unsafe, unknown, and unloved. My church trauma remained unhealed. If anything, it only got worse. In early 2020, I chose to stop going to church and doubted that I would ever go back again. Church had been a hindrance to my relationship with God. The best choice for me was to stop going to church altogether.

Young people leave church for all sorts of reasons. Some leave because they need the time and space to figure out life. Some leave because the church was never welcoming, relevant, or their choice. Some, like me, leave because church can be a traumatic and unloving place. No one should be shamed for leaving church and none of them should be seen as “not Christian” just because they don’t go to church.

Even when I stopped going to church, even when I doubted I would return, and even when I left church, I did not leave God. I know God did not leave me either. My faith was still there and my relationship with God was still growing. Despite my bad experiences, I do believe that church can be a loving and God-filled place for people of all ages to learn about God, grow in faith, and journey with others in community. Here are some of my thoughts to caring for the young people around you.

Don’t encourage an over-spiritual or over-intellectual theology.
Do encourage a faith relevant to life, community, and justice.

Don’t micromanage our lives, underestimate our spirituality, or take us for granted.
Do empower young people in faith, ministry, and leadership by collaborating with and including us in decision-making.

Don’t make us in your image.
Do help us become who God has uniquely made us to be (even if that is different from you).

Don’t be hypocritical, judgmental, and unloving.
Do grow alongside us in loving others with the love of God.

Don’t abandon or shame us when we have questions and doubts about faith, the Bible, theology, and church.
Do understand that this is a normal process of diving deeper into faith. Love us no matter what.

Young people are going through so many transitions, growths and struggles in life. Love them for who they are. Give them space when they need it, but make sure they know that you will always be there to support them. Prioritize supporting young people in how to wrestle with issues of faith, not only what to believe. Give them opportunities to contribute to the community. Learn from young people and journey alongside them with humility, recognizing that none of us (even the older generation) are perfect. And when conflict arises, prioritize a long-term relationship with young people rather than your need to be right or to have answers. Be a church where young people can flourish in the love of God and community.

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Christy Chia is passionate about creating safe spaces so that connection, healing, and empowerment can happen, especially for women, people of color, and those who have been hurt by the Church.

 

Christy Chia


Served as the Youth and Family Ministries Pastor at Chinese Community Church in San Diego, CA and is a PhD student at Fuller Theological Seminary.